I murdered the dance floor call the cops
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
