I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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