i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
