Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
