Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
