he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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