We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Damn victory sex feels great
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
