I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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