Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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