your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They took my balls.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
