I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
