She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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