Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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