Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
