Don't you send me to vm
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
