A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
