Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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