Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
