he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
