Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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