I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
