Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
