So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
