Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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