Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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