In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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