if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
