Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Randomize
