dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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