She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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