he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize