we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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