i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
