he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
