I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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