i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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