Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
