I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
