I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
