He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
