Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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