I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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