I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize