it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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