Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
