If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
