Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize