Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
