She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
