On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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