This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
