The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
