we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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