let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
