She's JV to your varsity
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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