The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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