Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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