lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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