My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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