bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
