i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
