On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
