I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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