You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
