Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
