I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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