help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
